The Portal of EPICOCITY!: Kurosan
by TheSponsor
Summary: Self-explanitory if you've read previous stuff of EPICOCITY that I have written.  Yes, I am incapable of writing EPICOCITY in lower case.


I'm so close to finishing my novel. I want to finish before the school holidays were over, but it's not looking so good. I wouldn't be able to make it unless I managed to write a chapter a day for the next week. So, yeah, I'm bored. Time to fire up the portal of EPICOCITY! once again.

* * *

The Portal of EPICOCITY!

Black Cat

"I think you're addicted to this," said James as I dragged him along by the wrist.

"Nonsense!" I argued. "I can quit any time I want!"

"Prove it."

"I don't want to."

We went into the bathroom, and I pushed the big, red button on the metal ring in my bathtub. The ring whirred and spun.

James sighed, growing bored with me and my portal of EPICOCITY! I knew that if something he liked didn't come through soon, he'd destroy it. Therefore, I had to make the most of it while there was still time.

Three figures came flying through the portal and crashed on my bathroom floor. I recognised them right away, as did James. He hugged me tightly and thanked me for bringing the cast of Black Cat to our home.

"Ugh. What happened?" Sven questioned. "Where are we?"

"Earth," I replied.

"Looking at you," said Train, "that actually comes as a surprise."

I looked down. Me being me, I had forgotten what I was wearing. I had a black tutu and cream t-shirt with strawberries and a black ribbon. On my hands were lace, fingerless gloves with frills on the wrists, and I had black, knee-high socks with purple ribbons zig-zagging up the side. "What's weird about looking cute?"

"I agree," James nodded. "Even in an anime, you'd look weird."

"Train, you should not be so rude."

"Whatever, Princess."

I literally saw a lightbulb flash above James' head. I see stuff like that. "Who wants ice-cream?" he offered.

Train and Eve raised their hands. Sven looked at them and shrugged sceptically.

"But, James, ice-cream we've not got."

"Then, go to the corner shop. Take Train with you."

"But I don't want to," Train whined.

"You don't come, you don't get fed," I stated plainly.

"Let's roll!"

We left the house and wandered down the street. A single car passed by.

"Whoa!" I cried. "Check out the traffic!"

"It was one car."

"Yeah, that's traffic in Boganville."

"I'm assuming that's not what this place is called."

"Most certainly not, Mister Heartnet."

"That reminds me. Who are you?"

"My name's Karynne. I have a dimensional portal in my bathroom."

"Okay... That makes sense."

We reached the corner shop. Those weird guys on scooters that look at me were there again. Weirdos. Get off the road before someone runs you over. Wait, stay there. I have an idea.

"Karynne, what are you smiling about like that?"

"What guy on the bumper? I mean, nothing."

We went inside. I went over the the freezer to get some Cornettos. "Get some milk, too. I doubt you'll like our instant skim." Train obliged. We paid for our goods and set off home.

* * *

"So, who are you guys?" Sven inquired.

"Please, don't associate me with that sociopath."

"Okay, so, who are you?"

"I'm James. I'm awesome."

"Why are we here?" Eve asked.

"Karynne is having a hissy fit over her novel."

"She is writing a novel?"

"Yeah..." He suddenly had a marvellous (horrible) idea. "I'll show you everything she's ever written."

Train and I arrived. I saw what was going on. "JAMES, YOU TRAITOR! I'LL HAVE YOU HEAD FOR THIS!" James shrugged. "Ah! But first, I reeeeeeeeeally need to go to the toilet." I bolted off.

"Thanks for sharing," said James.

"We got ice-cream," Train announced, "and milk."

"Yes, yes, YES!" James enthused. "This is perfect!" Everyone sat themselves down (in my carpeted room) and ate their ice-cream. Sven ate kind of like a normal person, Train gulped it down in two seconds flat, and Eve took quick, tiny licks.

"James, you have to check this out!" I called.

"No."

"But it's bloomin' HUGE!"

"No!"

"I think I gave birth to a chubby, African baby."

"Karynne, I'm not coming to look at what you made in the toilet!"

"Not even if it was a chubby, African baby?"

"ESPECIALLY if it was a chubby, African baby!"

"You got something against chubby, African babies?"

"If they came out of you, yes. It raises oh so many questions."

"Not really," Train disagreed. "It only raises one, and the answer would be quite obvious."

James covered his ears and screamed the lyrics to _Bad Day_ at the top of his lungs.

I came in the room and noticed the mess of ice-cream on the floor. I glared at James. "You're a teenager. You like mess."

"You shall become a teenager this year!" I reminded, pointing at him dramatically.

"NOOOOOOO!"

"Were you having dirty thoughts about Eve just now?"

"No."

"Wait, what?" Sven broke in.

"We all know you like her, James."

"What's this going on?"

"No, just her tongue. It's adorable! Like a little kitty-cat."

Sven nearly passed out. Eve didn't seem to know what was going on.

"Is anything happening, or can we go home?" Train asked, drinking the two litre bottle of milk by himself.

There was a bright flash of light and a crackle as two objects dropped from the ceiling.

"Rice bubbles?" I guessed.

"No," said James, "It's Jenos and Rinslet."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Rinslet screamed at Sven.

"IF I KNEW, I WOULD TELL YOU!" Sven yelled back.

"STOP SHOUTING!" I cried. "YOU MAKETH MY EARS BLEED!"

"Like Misa?" James chuckled.

"Yeah, just... like... Misa."

"That was dramatic."

"Arigato!"

"And suddenly a party of two becomes that of seven," Jenos sighed.

"Hey, Seven, want an alliance?" James offered.

"With whom?"

"Me, silly! We can work as each other's wingman. I'll help you with Rinslet, and you help me with that chick from Elemental Gay-lade."

Rinslet groaned.

"What's wrong?" Jenos wailed. "We're both just trying to grasp the destiny we feel!"

"Yeah," James agreed, "and hot chicks."

"And cat tongues," I grumbled.

There was another flash of light and another crackle.

"Rice bubbles?"

"THERE ARE NO RICE BUBBLES!" James and Sven shouted in unison.

"Creed!" Train exclaimed.

"Oh, fuzzwollups!" I said that. Who else would say that? No one. That's who.

"Hello, Train," Creed greeted in his dignified (gay) voice. "It's been a long time."

Train drew his gun and held it to Creed's head. "You killed Saya!"

"Yeah, you almost made James cry with that!" I added. James tucked up in a ball in the corner, utterly embarrassed.

"Train, calm down," said Sven.

"I concur," said James, snapping out of said embarrassment. "You should always listen to Sven. Unless, of course, he's ranting on about that gentleman stuff."

"BUT I AM A GENTLEMAN!"

"You spat coffee in Rinslet's face."

"Jokes. You can rant."

"That look!" Creed gasped. "That's what I wanted! I can see the thirst for blood in your eyes!"

"Granted," I began, "thirst for blood is sexy, especially on Train, but you are so annoying! It's not even funny, and I find everything funny!"

"Vanilla," said James. I fell over laughing.

"Seriously, we all know Train's sexy, even more so in his Chronos outfit, but-"

"No one said he was sexy," Rinslet pointed out.

I bashed my head up against the bookshelf. "FUDGE!"

"Confession!" James chortled.

"I'm sick of this!" I snatched Train's gun and shot Creed in the head. He fell over with a thud, covered in his own blood and extremely dead.

"Thank you," said James.

I picked up the rose Creed had been holding and ate it.

"He's dead," Train breathed. "He's really dead. You killed him."

"Rinnie do good?"

"Rinnie do VERY good!" Train hugged me. I passed out.

"Do you guys want to go home?" asked James.

Train shook my motionless body. "Did I kill her?"

"Yes," said Sven. "Him, not you Train. I think she's just unconscious."

"Sven, I must simply say one thing to you first," said James.

"What's that?"

"You rock, dude!"

"Thanks."

"As does Rinslet."

"Aw," Rinslet cooed and hugged James. James pulled an evil smile.

"..." (Jenos)

"..." (Sven)

"..." (Eve)

"Wakey wakey," said Train, still trying to confirm my life. OMIGHOSH! Living proof. Pun-tastic!

"He... Hehe..."

"Is she... laughing?"

"She laughs at her own jokes," said James. "Let's go before she wakes up and puts someone the shackles."

"But you are!" I suddenly cried. "You are in the shackles!"

"She is alive," Eve observed, "and talking in her sleep."

"Hehe... Straws..."

* * *

I awoke several hours later on the ice-cream and blood-stained carpet. I was all alone. Even Creed's corpse was gone.

"Hey," James greeted as he entered.

"Where'd they go?" I inquired. "Where's Black Cat, Sven, and the others?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Did they go home?"

"Uh... I have no idea what you're talking about."

I jumped to my feet and held James by the collar, shaking him violently. "What have you done to them?"

"Karynne, settle down. Come on. Let's go have some Easy Mac."

"I like Easy Mac..."

* * *

Okay, now I'm REALLY going to have some Easy Mac. I accidentally put the cheese sachet in before putting it in the microwave. It's all liquified now. :'( Oh, it actually turned out alright. Yay!


End file.
